Tag: Cap’n Caldo

CD Chapter One-Hundred-Twenty-Two

03-09-17_10-05-33 PM

Kole and I went down to the thrift festival.  It was fun, I bought a lot of snow globes- why not?  They were cute.  Kole had fun trying foods and the bubble blower.  I liked the festivals and I found them fun, new things to do.  Besides, this is where I met Hanna, tons of good things happen at thrift festivals, let alone festivals.

03-09-17_10-08-48 PM

I decided to run a table with the random, weird things I had on me.  It was fun to be apart of the selling and bartering, and haggling.  It was really interesting to be in that type of environment.  I almost thought of selling some of the snow globes I had bought at a little bit of a markup, but I didn’t want to part with them.

03-09-17_10-19-40 PM

After the festival ended Kole and I stuck around to do some street art together.  I liked going out with him and spending time.  When I was going out he was always the person I asked, he didn’t have a job, he was working as an author, so he was like me.  We were both pretty much on our own schedule.

03-09-17_10-27-40 PM

We spent the entire evening together after that, karaoke, drinks, it was a great night.  And it had nothing to do with libraries or books, like where we had met, or spent most of our time together.  It was just a fun night.  I loved it.  It just made it obvious that our love was really meant to last.

03-09-17_10-46-45 PM

When we got home Kole came to me with a discussion, one I hadn’t intended to have anytime soon.  Babies.  He wanted to try for a baby.  It wasn’t something I was completely behind but I loved him.  He made valid points, we could still have our freedom, we could hire nannies when we wanted to go out, and we both worked from home most of the time so the baby would have tons of love and compassion.  I couldn’t say no to him.

03-09-17_10-48-31 PM

So we tried.  It made me feel strange, trying to have a baby.  After I was surprised to realize that I was hopeful, that I was hoping that I was pregnant.  I tried to tell myself it was because I wanted to give Kole a baby, but I knew.  I knew I wanted this too, I had needed a small push, though it wasn’t a push, it was a coaxing, or was it?  He had just said it was something he had wanted, and I had suggested it be soon.  I knew.  I knew I wanted this.  So when I took a test and I wasn’t pregnant?  I was devastated.

03-09-17_11-12-03 PM

We had to try several times for the stick to turn pink.  I hadn’t realized it was something I had wanted so badly until I had been disappointed without a baby.  I wanted one, and it seemed to take so much to make one, so much to make the test turn out positive.  It couldn’t be Kole, it had to be me, Kole was lovely, perfect, I knew whatever was giving us difficulties was me.  But then I was pregnant, I finally had a baby coming.

03-09-17_11-31-35 PM

Since we stayed home and worked I didn’t have a lot of stress.  It also kept me close to Kole who, for all intensive purposes, was a very over protective husband when it came to me being pregnant.  We both knew how much this had taken, and he knew that I would do anything for this baby.  I may have been in denial before about wanting a baby, but I wanted this baby.

03-10-17_12-51-56 AM

Even though I was pregnant I wanted to take a day with Hanna and attend my first ever Geekcon.  I wish I had dressed up but the likeliness of me sewing a costume right now, with a pregnant belly, no.  I’d rather make one up when I could fit it all the time.

03-10-17_12-52-31 AM

One of the best things of the day was letting Hanna know I was expecting, as if it weren’t mostly obvious by now.  I was so glad to let my oldest friend know I was expecting.  She had gotten phone calls, tear streaked phone calls, texts, I had kept talking to her.  She knew the difficulties surrounding getting pregnant, the many tries.  I was so glad to let her see the obvious proof of success.

03-10-17_12-56-45 AM

And Geekcon was so fun, I bought a new shirt and I had so much fun.  I can’t wait to go again, to even have Kole and Hanna with me next time.  Maybe next time I’d be able to do more without my worries of harming my pregnancy being in my way.  No matter what, I had a great time.

03-10-17_1-48-51 AM

Though, honestly, I blew up like a balloon.  I didn’t expect to get so big, so huge, but that was a good sign, I think.  All the things pregnancy came with, morning sickness, back aches, mood swings, it was all okay, as long as I got a cute healthy baby.  Or even an ugly baby, healthy baby was really the priority.

03-10-17_1-58-38 AM

Shawshank aged into an adult and with Folsom, they moved out.  The incoming baby was the reason, we needed the room, or whatever.  I didn’t mind them moving, though it left our home a little emptier.  I instantly had a yearning to fill the space, fill the space with plenty of little babies.

03-10-17_2-46-30 AM

I had a cute little girl, Cap’n.  Completely healthy, all ten fingers and all ten toes- I counted continuously.  I had a compulsion when it came to her, to my little girl.  I stayed near her, I checked that she was breathing when she was asleep.  I know the books said this was normal but I feel like my already existing conditions may make my new-mommy jitters worse.