Tag: Kole Caldo

CD Chapter One-Hundred-Twenty-Two

03-09-17_10-05-33 PM

Kole and I went down to the thrift festival.  It was fun, I bought a lot of snow globes- why not?  They were cute.  Kole had fun trying foods and the bubble blower.  I liked the festivals and I found them fun, new things to do.  Besides, this is where I met Hanna, tons of good things happen at thrift festivals, let alone festivals.

03-09-17_10-08-48 PM

I decided to run a table with the random, weird things I had on me.  It was fun to be apart of the selling and bartering, and haggling.  It was really interesting to be in that type of environment.  I almost thought of selling some of the snow globes I had bought at a little bit of a markup, but I didn’t want to part with them.

03-09-17_10-19-40 PM

After the festival ended Kole and I stuck around to do some street art together.  I liked going out with him and spending time.  When I was going out he was always the person I asked, he didn’t have a job, he was working as an author, so he was like me.  We were both pretty much on our own schedule.

03-09-17_10-27-40 PM

We spent the entire evening together after that, karaoke, drinks, it was a great night.  And it had nothing to do with libraries or books, like where we had met, or spent most of our time together.  It was just a fun night.  I loved it.  It just made it obvious that our love was really meant to last.

03-09-17_10-46-45 PM

When we got home Kole came to me with a discussion, one I hadn’t intended to have anytime soon.  Babies.  He wanted to try for a baby.  It wasn’t something I was completely behind but I loved him.  He made valid points, we could still have our freedom, we could hire nannies when we wanted to go out, and we both worked from home most of the time so the baby would have tons of love and compassion.  I couldn’t say no to him.

03-09-17_10-48-31 PM

So we tried.  It made me feel strange, trying to have a baby.  After I was surprised to realize that I was hopeful, that I was hoping that I was pregnant.  I tried to tell myself it was because I wanted to give Kole a baby, but I knew.  I knew I wanted this too, I had needed a small push, though it wasn’t a push, it was a coaxing, or was it?  He had just said it was something he had wanted, and I had suggested it be soon.  I knew.  I knew I wanted this.  So when I took a test and I wasn’t pregnant?  I was devastated.

03-09-17_11-12-03 PM

We had to try several times for the stick to turn pink.  I hadn’t realized it was something I had wanted so badly until I had been disappointed without a baby.  I wanted one, and it seemed to take so much to make one, so much to make the test turn out positive.  It couldn’t be Kole, it had to be me, Kole was lovely, perfect, I knew whatever was giving us difficulties was me.  But then I was pregnant, I finally had a baby coming.

03-09-17_11-31-35 PM

Since we stayed home and worked I didn’t have a lot of stress.  It also kept me close to Kole who, for all intensive purposes, was a very over protective husband when it came to me being pregnant.  We both knew how much this had taken, and he knew that I would do anything for this baby.  I may have been in denial before about wanting a baby, but I wanted this baby.

03-10-17_12-51-56 AM

Even though I was pregnant I wanted to take a day with Hanna and attend my first ever Geekcon.  I wish I had dressed up but the likeliness of me sewing a costume right now, with a pregnant belly, no.  I’d rather make one up when I could fit it all the time.

03-10-17_12-52-31 AM

One of the best things of the day was letting Hanna know I was expecting, as if it weren’t mostly obvious by now.  I was so glad to let my oldest friend know I was expecting.  She had gotten phone calls, tear streaked phone calls, texts, I had kept talking to her.  She knew the difficulties surrounding getting pregnant, the many tries.  I was so glad to let her see the obvious proof of success.

03-10-17_12-56-45 AM

And Geekcon was so fun, I bought a new shirt and I had so much fun.  I can’t wait to go again, to even have Kole and Hanna with me next time.  Maybe next time I’d be able to do more without my worries of harming my pregnancy being in my way.  No matter what, I had a great time.

03-10-17_1-48-51 AM

Though, honestly, I blew up like a balloon.  I didn’t expect to get so big, so huge, but that was a good sign, I think.  All the things pregnancy came with, morning sickness, back aches, mood swings, it was all okay, as long as I got a cute healthy baby.  Or even an ugly baby, healthy baby was really the priority.

03-10-17_1-58-38 AM

Shawshank aged into an adult and with Folsom, they moved out.  The incoming baby was the reason, we needed the room, or whatever.  I didn’t mind them moving, though it left our home a little emptier.  I instantly had a yearning to fill the space, fill the space with plenty of little babies.

03-10-17_2-46-30 AM

I had a cute little girl, Cap’n.  Completely healthy, all ten fingers and all ten toes- I counted continuously.  I had a compulsion when it came to her, to my little girl.  I stayed near her, I checked that she was breathing when she was asleep.  I know the books said this was normal but I feel like my already existing conditions may make my new-mommy jitters worse.

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CD Chapter One-Hundred-Twenty-One

03-09-17_3-58-02 PM

I had gone to the library to see Kole when mother sat down in front of me.  She attempted conversation but I wasn’t having it.  I had been rejecting her calls and texts for near a week.  If she thought she would charm her way back into my good graces- Shawshank was still sobbing over dad’s grave almost every day.  These were my sisters, the girls that I put above everyone else, and she had hurt them.  Not just me, but them too.  It was my job to protect them now.

03-09-17_3-58-47 PM

Kole saved me from it, he came over and saved me, like a beautiful knight in shining armor.  He didn’t know the extent of the issues I had with my mother, but he did know some, enough to know that she and I were not speaking.  And he had basically kicked her out of ‘his’ library.  I was becoming more and more infatuated with him.

03-09-17_4-03-55 PM

So I got a little risque and invited him to a heavy petting and kissing in the closet.  I’m not ready to really get physical, I’m just not there yet.  But I could be somewhat physical, a little.  And I did like him, I did like being close, but being physical- well, I felt better waiting, waiting until I was sure that it was something I wanted to do.

03-09-17_4-26-11 PM

I even still slept in a single bed, I just wasn’t ready for that kind of intimacy.  I knew I had some maturing to do.  I wanted to do a lot with my life, and working from home gave me a lot of opportunities to have a life and have friends and a social life.  There were things I could wait on, going to that level, progressing to that chapter right now, it felt too soon.  So I went on with my life, I worked, I socialized, I went out with friends.  And through those days out… Kole, goodness, he was amazing.

03-09-17_4-59-17 PM

Then the romance festival was upon the city and I decided to visit it for the second time in my life.  This time, not with my sister, but with my boyfriend.  Though we had gone out and done things, this was the first severely romantic outing.  It made me nervous to visit the festival with someone that I, well, I didn’t want to admit it, but Kole…  I loved him.  I hadn’t admitted it to him, barely even myself.  I loved him.  He understood my issues, my job, my family, I loved him.  This festival- it was a big deal to me.

03-09-17_5-04-30 PM

I asked the Guru about our relationship when Kole went off to the bathroom- a love to last the ages.  Hearing that reassured me, calmed me, probably along with the tea.  I wanted to love Kole, and if we could last the ages, well, why wouldn’t I trust the Guru?  I was glad for a small reassurance, a small thing to take away the fear of letting Kole know about my feelings.

03-09-17_5-11-34 PM

There was a small conversation between us about our feelings, and it ended in me getting on one knee.  This was the romance festival, it was the perfect place, romance was in the air and Kole said yes.  He loved me, and he said yes!  I didn’t have a boyfriend anymore, I had a fiance.  A fiance!!  It only took me half a second to decide that their already set up wedding arch made the decision easy.

We got married and they set off fireworks for us.  I had a husband, I had a husband who was beautiful, who had flaws, who had a bright and blinding soul.  I loved him, and it was so exciting to get married to him with the fireworks.  We even lucked out- Belmarsh had been at the festival too, even if it was spur of the moment, we still had family there.

03-09-17_8-51-55 PM

Kole had a lot of money, money I hadn’t known about before, and money that was now ours.  I was done with mother’s dream, so I moved us to Oasis Springs.  We built a cute little home with plenty of room for us and my sisters.  It was a cute home, nice, a new neighborhood, a fresh start.  And it was a home that was Kole and Mine’s.  Ours.  Our home.

03-09-17_8-56-01 PM

We weren’t intimate for a while after moving in together, it was slow.  Kole was a patient, kind man, he waited for me to be comfortable, and when I was- it was beautiful.  Part of me wanted us to grow our family, but I wanted to wait, I wanted to enjoy the happiness of being newlyweds.  I thought of going on a cute little camping trip, but I just didn’t see myself as much of a camper.  It would have been nice to go somewhere exotic, somewhere new, fascinating, with a different culture to learn, a whole new set of experiences to have.  The woods just weren’t that.

03-09-17_9-46-03 PM

Folsom was happy for me, happy for us, and our new home.  It was a good fresh start, it was nice to have neighbors and road leading to our home.  Perhaps if we had that previously, the fire department would have reached the house, put out the fire, and our dad wouldn’t have died.